Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Day Three: The First Demand

Josh is getting a little nervous about not feeling the love back home. I told him the Catholics are playing it close to the altar boy, just waiting for my demands before making a move. So I am issuing my first demand:

I need a verifiable photograph of a
Catholic League official, or a Catholic clergyman of a higher rank than "priest," marching in a gay pride parade.

Josh thinks he's doomed. But since we all heard how desecrating a Eucharist is just about the worst crime you can commit, surely taking a stroll with the gays would be worth getting their cracker back.

I am going to do these one at a time. When the Catholics are willing to deal, they will only have to respond to the ones I've posted so far. But I'll make a corollary: If Bill Donohue will send a picture of him kissing a tranny on the mouth, Josh will be returned immediately, regardless of the number of demands.

By the way, what will happen to Josh if I give him back? You can't un-consecrate him back into a cracker, can you? And not even the Catholics would give him away like normal at mass. Hell, I've been handling Josh with my bare hands.* They can't just throw him away without committing the same act of sacrilege that PZ Myers has threatened.

(* How many priests have said something similar to this, in a slightly different context?)

More demands will follow. Catholics, the faster you respond, the better it is for everyone. Please -- think of the piece of flesh.

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